Saying Goodbye

I wrote this on 9/9/99



When I was younger so much younger than today.

I came up with the idea that every time you say goodbye it's like a little death. Like part of you dies. You'll never see that person in the same way again. And then when you say enough goodbyes they kind of accumulate and then you die.

Now that I'm older I think that that's a big crock of shit. First of all dying is very different from saying goodbye and now I know that most people that I say goodbye too will turn up again sometime and we'll probably like each other better when were older and we've forgotten why we were so pissed off at each other. It's happened with just about everybody I knew from Seattle....

Now that's not true. That's just flip. It really sucks saying goodbye to someone who you've shared your life with cuz everything changes. I mean everything is changing. Have you ever seen three hurricanes on one weather map before? Is that a common occurrence? We just had them Dennis, Cindy and somebody else whose name I can't quite remember.

If you go to a hurricane party and you're just a tropical storm, can you still get laid?

So the end times are upon us. You know a couple of weeks ago the world was supposed to end. On August 13th or 16th depending on which of Nostrodamous' Quatrains you believe. The Eclipse was the first sign, then the comet dust which causes the meteor shower in the Plebeians or what ever they're called.

The sun was supposed to blow up or shower us with radioactive rays.

That didn't happen. Then the computerized shit is supposed to hit the fan on September 9th because its 9/9/99 and that means something to old computers.

If you go to a computer party and you've got a really small hard drive can you still get laid?

I mean if you are a computer.

So the point is that the end of the world keeps on not happening. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe we'll just coast along like this until we pass the Mayan deadline in 2013 or what ever and in like 2525, if man is still alive, we'll step out of our full immersion cyber porn suits for a minute and say "Hey, looks like we made it. Better start taking the long view."

See that's what I think is wrong. Because of the Apocalyptic thinking of the last 50 years we have all been taking the short view. I certainly thought I'd be dead by now, that's why I'm still doing free theater. Maybe once we get passed all the deadlines we will start thinking long term again like we used to in the old days.

Or maybe the world has ended but we didn't notice. What if we're like the character...wait who hasn't seen 6th Sense? We'll its real good. Maybe we're like a ghost that doesn't know its dead. All of us.

Or maybe the powerful Thunder God of the Ancient Mesopotamians doesn't have enough juice to wipe us out but he's trying his best. Maybe we're too advanced to be wiped out. We're like antibiotic resistant TB or like Super Roaches.

But the point is that Jennifer is leaving. She's one of the few people I have ever met who intimidates me. The way she thinks, her talent. I'm really intimidated. I never got to know Jen Hamill as much as I would have wanted to. I think because I'm intimidated. Also she doesn't frequent smoky bars. That's really how I get to know people. Hanging out in smoky bars. That's why I started this theater you know, to meet more people I could hang out with in smoky bars. Most people don't do that as much as I'd like. Thank god for Rik Keller.

But I wish Jennifer Hamill wasn't going away. She is one of the very best in the world.

One of the very best.

People I mean. She is constantly blowing me away. I mean The Seagull. Did you see that? Man.

Jennifer is one of those people who sneak up on you. Like it took me about a year to realize that she is the sexiest person I know. Except for my wife...and Rik Keller...but I digress.

Its funny, I went over to Jennifer's apartment for some reason, I think it was a reading, just after I met her. Her apartment reminded me of many Seattle apartments in the way it was decorated. Very creative. Kitchy. It was a type in my mind and I kind of thought to myself "well this woman certainly lived in Seattle. She picked up a certain style there that I didn't know was a style." Now I know that whatever style I found familiar was probably picked up by people in Seattle from Jennifer Hamill. An original. I mean that's what she is.

So the world is ending. And Jennifer Hamill is leaving. And these two things will always be linked in my mind. Because you see, I've had a tough summer. A lot of bad things happened. And the way things are going it seems like things are getting better. But maybe it's just the beginning of everything getting worse. So on this day I will remember. Today Jennifer Hamill did her last Ten Tops. It was a great night and after that everything just got better and better. Or maybe Jen leaving will be in the middle of the list of things that went wrong before all the lights went out forever.

In either case, I hope to hell I get to see you again. Thank you for being part of this wacky caravan for a while. We'll miss you. I already do.